Excerpts from my Grade 1 riting book (it’s all [sic]…):

Hie I am Strong Star. I can lift up the hol Erth. I can stand on the Sun without getting birnt and I’ve got lightning-boomarengs. Hae stop youll crash into me. This is beginning to be a job for STRONG-STAR. Gshhhh pock. Ther that takes ker of that.

On Saturday, I went to dinosaur land. It was good. The Tryannasorus Rex is arfter me help. Good a Teridactal is right above me. I’ll jump onto it’s back. Hae Tyry, I’m up here. Rgggrggr!

After school, I’m going to bayswater with Alan. It will be fun because we will go in the pool that goes right up to the top of our heads. I can’t swim.

I saw a hot air balloon. It looked nice. The man gave me a ride in his balloon. There was a nice view. I looked down and everything was little. I looked up in the sky and everything was big. What a strange World wen your up in a balloon. “(I sed to my self).”

The mystery to the missing treasure. I’m a King and I’m very rich. Yesterday I lost my treasure and I belive the pirates have got it. Now nobody will belive I’m a real King. Tomorrow my best and bravest soldiers are going to hunt for it. Now they are going to hunt for my treasure. They can see the pirates ship but its to far away cwick get the ships befor they get away. Stop, we are to late they have got away.

The best hitopotomus that dantses

I went to a circus. The first part was fantastic, but the last part was boring. There was a person drested up as a hitopotomus dantsing and all he was doing was puting one leg up then puting the same thing. At lest we got our money back and I could tetch a hitopotomus to dants in a week. If I tetch a hitopotomus to dants he will be the best hitopotomus that dantses.

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Machine memory

November 21, 2012

Among some juvenilia arduously recovered using an ancient laptop from even more ancient 3.5” floppy disks:

– Novels about the sole survivors of a valley dwelling fantasy race and an orphan who survives the murder of his foster-parents to discover his true heritage.
– A short story in which the killer turns out to be, unknowingly, the detective.
– Lyrics to songs from my stint as singer in a band with my mates.
– Character creation programmes coded in BASIC.
– Plot outlines for the zeitgeisty comic Y2K.

Perhaps entropy knows best after all.